Relationships You Hold the Key

It may seem a strange thing to say, but if you want to have a good relationship with anyone, imagine you are in business with them.   I might add the reverse also applies!    Treat them with respect and be prepared to work at the relationship whilst enjoying the fun and the value of good communication, experiences and the value they can add to your Life.     You also need to know their values to co-ordinate with yours, and a tip  –   are they visual, auditory or kinesthetic?    This knowledge in your hands can be so simple to get a relationship back on track or better still to keep it on track.

We cannot put on this page all that The Academy teaches in relationships, as Improving Your Relationships is the most important area of your Life.  Most importantly, is the relationship you have with yourself, as if this is good, with some basic understanding, it will flow to all the other relationships in your life for example with your partner, your children, your colleagues, business associates, parents, and in fact everyone who will add value to your life.

Let’s say right up front that for the example here, we are going to be talking about ‘romantic’ relationships, so we will use the term ‘partner’ in that context, or at least relationships that you are seeing as going in that direction.  Actually what we are going to say applies to all relationships, however if your relationships are good at home, even if that home only includes you and your cat, the rest of your life has a great start.

What are your partner’s Values

The first thing to know, what are the values of your partner?   You must know this and it is not hard to find out these values, just listen to your communications with a sharp mind.  To give you an example, in a relationship that I was in many years ago, my partner had come from a broken family, his own mother had died and then his father remarried to a lady who from accounts I was given did not really care about the children from the first marriage.  After a while this marriage failed and the second wife up and left, not to any great concern of my partner, however you can see how he had come to the conclusion that people in relationships did up and leave, as he had experienced this twice in his childhood.  So having grown up in an awful environment from the age of 7 with no love, and very little caring at all, my partner was very sensitive and was alert to the potential of relationship breakdown. 

I on the other had had been brought up with parents that adored each other, they both had their own lives and also friendships outside their marriage, so relationship breakdown had no consideration to me.   My values were more with developing good relationships in all areas of life, whilst my partner saw this as a threat to our relationship stability.

Unfortunately I was young and did not know what I have since learnt, so I got on with my life which was all fun at the time with a thriving career, friends including some great guy friendships.  My partner was totally freaked out by the fact that I was so liberal with my relationship with him.  Unknown to me, he saw my friendship with other guys as something that would ultimately lead to our relationship breakdown, this was something that I just did not even slightly consider.  Sadly, the relationship broke down and we went our own ways.

I could easily have had a great relationship with this guy, I just needed to be aware of his relationship values, whilst at the same time, explain my values for relationships to him so he understood and we could both care for each other’s values and live with empathy accordingly. 

Are they/you visual, auditory, kinesthetic?

Another area which is so simple to deal with is the relationship between your modalities.  This is a big area, and we take it very seriously in The Academy, however we will touch on it here.   We are all made up of the three components, however most people are stronger in one area.   Visual people love gifts, good looking people and things; auditory people ‘listen’ they are turned on by sounds and turned off by sounds for that matter, including certain voices or things that people might say; kinesthetic people have strong feelings and ‘feel’ things, a good present may mean nothing to them, but a hug can be life and death.   As an example, I had a client who was very visual and what having a relationship with a guy who was kinesthetic.  The relationship was breaking down and I was able to help her by working with her on her communications with her partner.  Before this time she would say something like “Look Peter, you never give me nice things, no flowers or just small presents”;  he would then respond something like “You just do not realise how I feel, I feel our relationship is out of control“.  I worked with my client to start the relationship back on a simple and easy footing my using her partner’s kinesthetic talking patterns, ie to bring everything down to how he was feeling the situation, to be more demonstrative with touching, as even a light touch on the arm can melt an argument with a kinesthetic person.  Once this first level is achieved, it is easy to move to the next step, and before you know it the relationship is back on track.

Treat your relationship like one in a business?

We will deal with this later, but always give your partner the respect you would give to a work colleague, and expect the same from him towards you.

Remember at all times, home is the prize, not the penalty.  Treasure your home accordingly.