How knowing the values of others will help you negotiate what you want!

by Sharyn on August 19, 2010

We all know one of Dr Phil’s values – do you know his words “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”   And from his own response to this, he has a definite value to be happy which is higher on his values structure than being right.  Again I have heard him saying “If mom’s not happy, no one is happy”.   So we now see that making his wife Robyn happy, is higher on his list than his own happiness.  Or it could be that he knows that by making Robyn happy he will be happy, therefore this is a strategy towards his high value – to be happy.

Make this knowledge of values work for you

Let me give an example.   In finalising the purchase of my new home, the vendor started to get stroppy about some things I wanted done, which to my knowledge had been previously agreed.  I started to get cross that he was being unreasonable.   By listening to what he was saying to the real estate agent, it became obvious that his value was that he needed to be “right”.   And I was also wanting to be “right” added with not wanting to “give in to someone being unreasonable”, two of my high values.  Can you see how this was headed for collapse of the deal if we kept on in this way.   To make things more interesting, the real estate agent had a very high value of wanting “everyone to be happy”, wanting to broker a deal accordingly and to be “liked by all parties”.  Because of the value of the real estate agent, he could not deal satisfactorily with this situation as he could not in the immediate term please both parties.   

The answer – I decided my own “happiness”, which would come from buying this house, was of higher value to me than being right, or caring whether the other party was being unreasonable.    As I still wanted some of my list complete, the answer was to tell my lawyer to give the vendor some wins so he would feel that he was winning being “right”.   So we gave in to some small matters, and then the agent could step in and follow his values of making everyone happy and getting agreement on the important things I needed done.

Deal was done, I was “happy”, the vendor was “right” and the agent was “liked by all”.

How can you use this in a situation you have in your life at present………….?

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